


John's Nth Apocolypse

by Yuki_F_Karasu



Series: The Guide's Entries On One John Watson [5]
Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005), Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, End of the World again, F/M, Happy Towel Day 2020!, This was supposed to be posted in 2018, Towel Day 2020, mentions of Doctor Who, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:53:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24372337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuki_F_Karasu/pseuds/Yuki_F_Karasu
Summary: John had never gotten the hang of Thursdays, this one just happened to be worse than others. At least he got to see his parents again.
Relationships: Arthur Dent/Trillian
Series: The Guide's Entries On One John Watson [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/626309
Kudos: 18





	John's Nth Apocolypse

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooo this was supposed to be posted in 2018, so I figure, why not post it two years later! Hope you all enjoy and celebrate the awesome writings of Douglas Adams this day!

John looked down at his phone, it was Thursday. He’d never gotten the hang of Thursdays.

And clearly, it had something against him as well, he was sure that if his life were condensed down into the day of the week it happened, 90%* of the life-changing events would happen on the Thursday. 

That was beside the point, as now was a particularly bad Thursday and he imagined it was just like that most awful Thursday.

That is, those big, nasty, bureaucratic-nonsense-filled, just-hanging-in-space objects known as Vogon ships were back to destroy Earth once again**.

“Belgium!” he cursed and ran into 221 Baker Street, where Mrs. Hudson had decided to throw a party for no discernible reason and had, of course, managed not only to have he and Sherlock host the party but had somehow even convinced Mycroft to come***.

“Okay, the lot of you, outside NOW!” he commanded, keeping the door wide open. Mycroft was on the phone, so John assumed he was already being informed of the impending doom, only with far less detail than what John already knew.

“John, what-” Lestrade was cut off by the sheer look of “don’t even think about messing with me” vibes John was giving off.

He guessed the others were feeling them too, because they all, with varying degrees of complacency, trickled out into the street.

Of course, even Sherlock was stunned when they saw the globby, blocky ships.

John ignored them. He took a metal. . . Thumb?.... out of his bag and slipped it on to his real one.

“Right!” he exclaimed, startling Molly who was right next to him. “If you want to live, hang on to me and for Belgium's sake, don’t let go!”

Disregarding their friend’s interesting use of a country, they hung on****.

John flicked the metal device which flickered and then sent a beam of yellow light into the sky. 

They heard a loud gurgling voice spout what sounded to be nonsense into the air*****.

John experienced the familiar sensation of being tugged by his thumb into the atmosphere and his body being deprived of, for whatever reason, sodium. Well, either way, he was glad he’d drank enough muscle relaxant.

When he next came to, he found himself and the others in a very familiar place. He did a quick headcount, and once he confirmed none of his friends had lost a limb, he jumped to his feet and walked the perimeter of the white room, which was profoundly confusing to his companions. 

What was confusing to John, however, if this place was in fact where he thought it was, why hadn’t they temporarily become penguins or something along those lines? The probability. . . Oh. Right.

Anyway, his suspicions were verified when a large, silver, rather spherical robot walked through the sighing door, which was not quite as surprising as they had been thirteen years ago.

“Marvin!” John said happily. The robot sullenly lifted his head to look at the blond man.

“Oh,” he said, “it’s you.”

While the others still sat, somewhat stunned by their friend’s unfazed nature******.

Marvin, as the robot had been dubbed, motioned with the vaguely gun-shaped object in his hand.

“Come on,” he droned, “I’ve been ordered to bring you to the bridge. Aren’t I lucky? Brain the size of a planet and I still get ordered to bring people to the bridge.”

John, somehow, managed to get the group of the room and into the place’s white halls. Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson were quite disturbed by the sighing doors. Marvin looked back at them and saw the looks on their faces.

“Wretched isn’t it?” Marvin asked. “Lousy GPPs, haven't got much better in thirteen years, either.”

No one had the chance to respond, they were already at the bridge.

Four people sat in the, still white, bridge. One of whom looked identical to John, though the other had a dressing gown on.

Another man, this one with long blond hair and a general “I don’t care” image, tilted his head back from a tv screen and looked at the group; he quickly jumped up and over the couch back and started to walk towards the group.

“Well if it isn't my biggest fan, Jim!” he said. 

John rolled his eyes and said, “It’s John, Zaphod!”

Meanwhile, another man with an odd fashion sense******* rushed over to pull John into a side-armed hug.

“I don't believe it!” the man said, “Arthur! Trillian! Look who it is!” 

John's doppelganger, Arthur apparently, was now grinning at John while the only female********, Trillian, pushed the other man off of John to give him her own hug.

“John!” she exclaimed, “It's been too long!”

John hugged her back, saying, “Yeah, it's good to see you too mum*********.”

Lestrade's face went blank.  Sherlock, on the other hand, looked rather interested in John's “mum.” 

Mycroft was as well, but mostly because he recognized her as Trisha McMillan, the astrophysicist that disappeared off the face of the Earth thirteen years ago, give or take six months.

“Your mother?” Mrs. Hudson asked politely, albeit a bit concerned and confused that the girl looked a good nine and a bit years younger than John**********.

John turned to Mrs. Hudson and shrugged. “Yeah, and he's my Dad,” he said pointing to Arthur. “And yes, we're the same age; it's complicated and a bit wobbly wobbly, time wimey.”

Arthur gave his son a disappointed sigh, quite similar to the ones John frequently gave to Sherlock. “I never should have let you meet the Doctor***********.

* * *

*The other 10% would be relegated evenly to the other days, perhaps a slight extra percentage to Sunday.

**Well, an Earth, John was pretty sure it was either Mark III or Mark IV now.

***This was, of course, top secret.

****Mycroft mostly because John seemed, for whatever reason, to know what was going on.

*****“Okay,” John thought, “when did they destroy Mark V? He did not get an answer.

******Well, Mycroft and Sherlock were not and were more interested in their surroundings, though Mycroft was interested in the complexity of “Marvin.”

*******and darker skin than everyone else in the room which really shows the odd and totally improbable lack of diversity these things often have.

******** What did I tell you! Weird ratios of men to females, though with the addition of Mrs. Hudson and Molly, it's not quite as bad as it was even five minutes beforehand.

********* It was true but involved some vastly improbable events and a very odd case of time travel via infinite improbability devices.

********** as she was, biologically.

*********** This is a long, increasingly ridiculous story that the author of this article does not have time to tell, though she reluctantly promises to attempt to try to write an article about the event sometime in the future.

* * *

_ End of entry (Note that this is an incomplete article and any contributions would be appreciated) _

Copyright  _ “The Official Unofficial Companion Book to the Hitchhiker’s _

_ Guide to the Galaxy; Information on Some Less Important Things, But You Still May Find Interesting” _

_ Published Earth Year 2020, by the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor. _

_ If you find this book for free anywhere but from a fellow Hitchhiker _

_ please assume it has been stolen or hacked from our database and _

_ return to the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor next time _

_ you Hitchhike there, you will be given a free copy from one of our _

_ resident Hitchhikers. _

_ This entry was written by the current head writer for everything _

_ involving, related to, or incorporating  _ Earth( _ see entry);  _ Yuki Iffroo( _ see entry) originally _

_ from  _ Traffii Vleb( _ see entry), who previously wrote for  _ the Guide( _ see entry.) _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this!  
> Please leave a review, I love to talk to you all!  
> And if you have any suggestions for this series, that would be awesome!


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